Jesse turns 27 today! ... Happy Birthday Son.

To my Son who turns 27 today. 

That is a milestone not to be laughed at.  You are approaching your Saturn return.  Happy Birthday Jesse.  I love you Son.

I decided to spend a day and study the ephemera in search of the time when this planet will return in the sky to the place exactly as the time you were born on 19th September 1988 at 11:23pm at Auchenflower.

Saturn is a slow planet and it takes 29.3 years to return to the place in the sky where it was when you were born.  This is why it is called your "Saturn Return".

The above magic square has all the numbers one to nine arranged in such a way that they all add to 15.  If you start at one and move through the numbers with a line drawing them together into theirn  groups of three in their correct order until you reach nine... What will appear is a seal.  It is the Sigel of Saturn that it makes when you draw it this way.

A sigil (/ˈsɪdʒəl/; pl. sigilia or sigils; from Latin sigillum "seal"). WIKI

Magic square of Saturn

In the kabbalisticly based traditions of ritual magic , the planets are the manifestation in the physical world of higher cosmic forces. These forces are represented by the numbers that embody their qualities. The seals and symbols are used to invoke those qualities (Saturn in ritual magic represents the forces of containment, time, death, and stagnation) in ritual.  Symbol Dictionary

Death does not always mean a physical death of the body, it can mean the death of situation, a problem is laid to rest, and from Death, new life springs forth as it does each spring when it is your birthday.  Life is renewed and invigorated with the energy of the Sun returning to it.  In other words you begin to see things in a new light (sun).  Angles of light shining on something can make an object appear different with each passing moment because of the shadows that are cast.  Turn everything around well, look at everything from all angles and then move forward with the wisdom of having seen it from all sides.  This is what a soul should do when Saturn is back with them.  The Rings of Saturn are

The Romans, according to their custom of identifying their deities with those of the Greek gods whose attributes were similar to their own, declared Cronus to be identical with their old agricultural divinity Saturn

Your first Saturn return comes on the 17th November 2017.  You will be 29 years old
Your second one arrives on the 22nd December 2046  You will be 58 years old
Your third comes on the 29th January 2076  and if you are alive you will be 88 years old.

I am presently about to embark upon my second Saturn Return and it will be here like yours about the same time. 

I finally managed to fall pregnant with you during this most tumultuous and dangerous time during my first Saturn return.  A lot of people predicted this may happen and it did.  I should have listened to them but others said it was rubbish and that it really didn't mean anything.  I think I made a mistake not listening because it was so after all.

It is a time of huge changes and growing and maturing into an adult as you start to put the pieces together to realize what it is that is important in your life and what path you will follow through your life's journey. This path lasts almost thirty years, or just shy of it.  I know this to be true in a really personal way and if you look you will see this also.

 

Stay safe and I hope today was wonderful for you.  Just know I always miss you terribly and every day without you in my life is one day less I will see you in humanity.  I miss you xxx   Love Mumma

 I loved seeing this video too....

Mothers Day 2015

Well, things never ever cease to amaze me!  Out of left field to get a message from one of my daughters best friends with an image of a post my sadly estranged son had posted this morning on his Facebook.

I shed some tears, and talked to my daughter about this because she also sent the same image to me in a different message.  I wasn't going to miss seeing it according to these wonderful young woman.  One of these girls is a Mumma and so it was perfectly understandable that she would understand the dynamics and she understood emphatically. 

For this I am grateful because it gives me hope that one day I may hold my son close in my arms again.  I miss him in my life, but life deals out strange things and it is not for me to try to second guess what his soul contract was when he peopled onto the planet.

I do miss him though because I did always want him so desperately and when he came I said I didn't  care how this happened and that obviously is my Karma now.

Images @ Eminpee Fotography

Happy Birthday Jesse.. Congratulations on your Graduation Montana

All on the same day... It certainly was a big day for all of us.  I was emotional but I tried to hide it the best I could but I know that is just a hopeless task as I shed tears so freely because of those high emotions and the fact that I am in touch with my heart energy and sometimes it fairly zings inside of me and tears just well in response to this.

Montana sitting behind her principal Mr Goudella.

Montana looking really shocked getting her congratulations from Bob Stockton (retired Principal)

 Montana's Principal changed this year.  Mr Stockton retired.  He had been principal for so many years that I have lost count, however  and Mr Bob Stockton was on hand to do awards although he is retired.

This was on Jesses Crib in the Wesley Hospital Brisbane when he was born in 1988

I didn't contact Jesse for his birthday, more to the exact truth I could't as I have no contact phone number or address to even send him a birthday card.  He not only de-friended me on facebook but he also blocked me.

So it was not a good thing to happen right before his birthday.  But that was the result of my emotive outburst to that foolish Rodgers fellah!

Still and all I wish Jesse all the best for his birthday and for the coming year of his life as he is now 25 years old and no longer a young lad.  He is now a man.  I have never seen him as a man, 

I wonder when he is going to start acting like a man and give some respect and some credit to his mother who is not any of the things he has been led down the garden path to believe. 

How ever there is no mistakes and so this is a learning lesson for all of us and that includes him as well.  I must continue to sit with this and let the universe take its course.

Jesse on his first day at school. 
Jesse's Birthday that year was fun! It was a great party!  he turned Five.

Images @ Eminpee Fotography

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Mia Dyson – Jesse

Mary-Ellen and Jesse as a baby at Sea World, a photo by Images @ Melonpopzdropz on Flickr.

by John Hardaker

ARIA nominee Mia Dyson is shining a light on a dark corner of Australia’s history, the practice of forced adoptions, brought to the forefront with the Victorian government’s recent apology to victims.

Her latest single “Jesse” was written last year for her new album The Moment (which is vying for an ARIA Award later this month) after fan Lesley Pearse approached her after a show to ask whether she could write a song about her plight.

“Lesley’s story had a profound effect on me,” said Dyson. “As an unwed mother in the early 70′s, she was sent to live out her pregnancy away from family and friends, told she was an unfit parent and coerced by social workers into signing papers to hand her baby over under immense pressure.”

“I was shamed into giving up my baby and told that if I loved the child I would do what was ‘right’ – relinquish my baby to a married couple,” explained Lesley Pearse. “I was told I would ‘never be able to have any contact with my baby again’.”

“The idea that this was not just a one-off, but a systemic atrocity that has affected both mothers and their children for decades after really shocked me,” said Dyson. “I was driven to write Jesse as I think that understanding and sharing their story is the best tribute we can give to these brave women as we move towards a national apology in 2013.”

‘Jesse’ is the third single from Mia’s acclaimed fourth album The Moment which has been labelled as a “career defining record” (Herald Sun) and “an epic piece of work” (Rhythms).

Via Flickr:
We stayed at my Uncles Fishing Shack at Tweed Heads and took Jesse everywhere for a holiday. Jesse was six months old in 1989.

ARSENIC WATERS - shoosh don't tell the parents!

   "All that sort of stuff took away the emphasis of why he actually died," she said. 
 

ABC Reports

The Northern Territory Coroner has ruled out arsenic poisoning as the cause of death of a Top End teenager.

Coroner Greg Cavanagh today found Ben Witham, 17, died of complications relating to leukaemia at Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital in May last year.
He also noted that the medical care provided to him at the onset of severe abdominal pain until he had surgery 17 hours later was not of an adequate standard.
"Ben never recovered from this event and I find it to be a contributing cause to his death," Coroner Cavanagh said in his findings.
Ben Witham's death sparked a major public health emergency in the Northern Territory after a urine sample indicated the teenager had arsenic levels 14 times the safe limit.
Coroner Greg Cavanagh has found that sample was either contaminated or an error.
The initial result prompted Northern Territory authorities to test residents for arsenic poisoning at Mount Bundy Station, south of Darwin, where the teenager lived with his family.
A local doctor, who had no prior experience interpreting arsenic test results, incorrectly thought the results showed elevated levels of arsenic in some of the residents.
Station evacuated
Concerned that other people living in the area could be at risk of arsenic poisoning, the coroner ordered Mount Bundy Station to be declared a restricted area.
The popular tourist destination was evacuated and forced to close for several days.
But further tests on residents and bore water in the area showed no evidence of elevated arsenic levels, leading authorities to reopen the station.
The coroner said the closure of the station and testing of the residents was "appropriate to the reported information".
But he added: "it is clear that the information provided about the residents' urine results was wrong."
He said at the time there was "inadequate reliable information available about arsenic, how people might be exposed to it, and the dangers it posed".
He said the Northern Territory Department of Health has since put in place a number of measures to improve procedures if such an event occurs again.
In light of these measures, the coroner did not make any recommendations following Ben Witham's death.
Outside court, the teenager's father, Scott Witham said today's findings brought some closure.
"It's the end of the legal process, but obviously for us life's still pretty tough and goes on," he said.
The boy's mother, Susan Witham, said the incorrect arsenic reading and the subsequent closure of Mount Bundy Station, were distractions.
"All that sort of stuff took away the emphasis of why he actually died," she said.
The Northern Territory Coroner has ruled out arsenic poisoning as the cause of death of a Top End teenager.

Coroner Greg Cavanagh today found Ben Witham, 17, died of complications relating to leukaemia at Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital in May last year. He also noted that the medical care provided to him at the onset of severe abdominal pain until he had surgery 17 hours later was not of an adequate standard. "Ben never recovered from this event and I find it to be a contributing cause to his death," Coroner Cavanagh said in his findings.

Ben Witham's death sparked a major public health emergency in the Northern Territory after a urine sample indicated the teenager had arsenic levels 14 times the safe limit. Coroner Greg Cavanagh has found that sample was either contaminated or an error. The initial result prompted Northern Territory authorities to test residents for arsenic poisoning at Mount Bundy Station, south of Darwin, where the teenager lived with his family.

A local doctor, who had no prior experience interpreting arsenic test results, incorrectly thought the results showed elevated levels of arsenic in some of the residents. Station evacuated Concerned that other people living in the area could be at risk of arsenic poisoning, the coroner ordered Mount Bundy Station to be declared a restricted area.

The popular tourist destination was evacuated and forced to close for several days. But further tests on residents and bore water in the area showed no evidence of elevated arsenic levels, leading authorities to reopen the station. The coroner said the closure of the station and testing of the residents was "appropriate to the reported information". But he added: "it is clear that the information provided about the residents' urine results was wrong." He said at the time there was "inadequate reliable information available about arsenic, how people might be exposed to it, and the dangers it posed". He said the Northern Territory Department of Health has since put in place a number of measures to improve procedures if such an event occurs again. In light of these measures, the coroner did not make any recommendations following Ben Witham's death.

Outside court, the teenager's father, Scott Witham said today's findings brought some closure. "It's the end of the legal process, but obviously for us life's still pretty tough and goes on," he said. The boy's mother, Susan Witham, said the incorrect arsenic reading and the subsequent closure of Mount Bundy Station, were distractions.

  "All that sort of stuff took away the emphasis of why he actually died," she said. 

 

Images @ Melonpopzdropz Flickr

First release all past thought patterns and repressed emotions from our cellular memory.

 We need to do this to change our old restricted thought patterns, so that we can manifest our goals and desires faster.  Mihael Simic
 

 

 Clearing the negative energy blockages from my system helps me to fully open up to receive new vibrant energy which replenishes and heals my physical, mental and emotional system from all past victimization's, guilt and anger.  There are only two emotions available and that is Fear and Love. 

Everything comes from those two alone.  Because of the inflictions by others I have lived primarily in a place of fear to protect my self.  I have been over hyper vigilant and there is time now for this to cease.  It is time to let go and let this all take place just as it should.  Spirit will find spirit and I must rest easy in  the knowledge of this simplicity of nature.

Montana's visit was pretty good really but it is clear to see that I am still caught up in some old fear patterns.  It was good to be able to talk to John though and communicate like he was a human being again.  He is the father of my children and really that is all that concerns me.  I am always feeling a level of concern.  This is what has to change. It is all in perfect timing and its all what needs to be.  Just let love be love and spirit be spirit.

PS Happiness is the name I called Jesse when he was inside of my belly,  I didn't know if he was a boy or a girl and so his name was just happiness.  He was referred to as this from almost the beginning.

Images @ Melonpopzdropz Flickr

Happy Birthday Son, twenty-four today!

I love you and I love you and I love you!
Happy Birthday Jesse, I wish I could say this to you in person.  I wish I  could at least send you a card.  I don't know where you live and no one will tell me.

I miss your smell and I miss your spirit so badly.  I just hold a vision of you in my mind and that helps me to transverse this gorge of sadness.  I listen to songs you used to like and I hear you in these.

Today always brings me to thoughts of your birth as it always has done.  Thirty six long hours of labor and you were finally born at 11.32pm on the 19/09/88.  I had been in labor since the previous evening around 6pm.

I absolutely loved giving birth to you and I loved growing you in my tummy and into the human being that you have grown into.  What a man you are now, and such a good looking young man at that.  I am very proud of you, and I forget all the bad stuff.  I don't remember anymore.  This is what I must do.  I love you forever. 
Have a wonderful birthday,  I hope you get spoiled by Chelsea and who ever else  is around you in your life.  Love mumma xxx


Images @ Melonpopzdropz Flickr 

There is probably other things going on, but for me today the day is for Jesse.   I will just hold the thoughts of him close in my mind , try and smell birthday candles / Eeeek the smell - they remind me of birthdays though. 

It is such a nice day today after last nights storm made it all fresh.

The Frayed Angels.

The frayed angels shed their wings and descend into earth’s turmoil
Burying their sunlight in a cloth of sleek and willing flesh
that... incomplete forever
wanders the thirsty deserts of unrequited desire

In dreams sometimes we touch that place of peace where longing ends
Where the long road of countless sleeps beckons into the cross roads of awakening

The punishment of separation ends the slaughter of innocence
the ravaged hearts and faces of those who lost their love
there is nothing in this life so sweet
as the touch ... the embrace of one who has come across all the vastness of lifetimes
To lie tranquil in your arms
It is as close to paradise as we are permitted to come here...

The casual couplings
The lust of power to possess  are only shadows of this love
Ceremonies of torment and loss
For the more one desires
The greater the effort to have and discard
The greater the distance from ones own heart
Every living thing struggles to hold to that one memory of themselves
...in which the candle of love burned
however briefly... ..so brightly

All doubt and hate are merely faith and love suppressed
And the inability to love
Worse than any death

Death being only the boat that sails us through and into the fields of eternal peace
not even the worst of us can avoid this forever
it for this mercy alone that forever exists

There is nothing that you can do for which he will not forgive you

I wish only that I might linger all of my days in love
Forging that bond that spans all time and change
and washes away for all time
The weakness and stupidities of my fear

Fear,
which is all that has ever stood between me and the ones I loved

Fear
that has made a lie so many times Of the living truth
I AM Like all of you
An embodiment of god

All possibilities at birth were delivered into our hands
yet we give ourselves into subjugation to our servants for ridicule and confinement

Cast out from the castles  from where we as kings and queens ruled all things
...from within the temple of the heart
Cast out into the trackless wastes of our own confusions,
.. amnesia driven hungry and alone
While those created to serve us spill our wine,
eat our food
and laugh at the ignorance  that has closed our eyes to the beauty of ourselves

Never again will I let myself be tormented by fear
the love killer ....the life killer

Death of a sort comes to us all
No matter who we are we cannot escape that
We can only accept and wonder
To whom did it happen?

Let go all chains that hold the image down
Earth does not speak unless the spirit flames these times in which we live
Dance like some drunken jester on the edge of the abyss
Great things are within our reach even as we wait,
we can see...  the first glimmer of that dawn
..for which so long we have waited to see.

It has nearly broken me...
But nothing is beyond repair

Truly let this moment be your last moment of regret
Let your heart see that you have not touched the best times yet
Take back your wings no longer frayed and fallen
let us rise and soar as if no one had ever gone before.
Poetry is written by Les Visible lesvisible@gmail.com
The Frayed Angels.Visible Stream of Consciousness


The Rant on how this effects us..  straight from my heart of hearts...

WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME!   I ask for strength from my angels now and to please lift me up and hold me tight and not to let me go now. Help me to make this my last moment of regret.  Help me to unfold my wings from their crushed exile contorted and twisted from the pain of existence. Help me to fly free in my spirit and to love and be loved and to make this world a brighter place with no more war.  Unfolding I am becoming illuminated and golden and I am not afraid of the light.  I am not afraid of Love.

Image by Mezza - Montana's Angel Chrystal

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“I can be changed by what happens to me. but i refuse to be reduced by it.”

Maya Angelou

Raindrop on the cactus with Bricee's reflection.

But how it changes me is the part that is up to me.  I can let it drive me to do the things that any child would be proud of their mother doing.

I go out before dawn and photograph, I edit and I write and I cook and clean and I study.  I  love deeply and have a huge passion for music.  Because of this I have a radio show where I am a radio programmer and its a drive time show called Melonpop Drive.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mel%C3%B8nP%C3%B8P-Drive-2bbb-with-djs-MezzA-n-M%C3%B8nSta%D0%AF-Est2009/168764609851231

I have a wonderful garden and many successes with lots of experimentation with plant cuttings.  We have two pets and we are absolutely responsible pet owners.  I dance.  I create and I still make the  best cakes going.   I also make many other things really well as well.  I am now very independent.  I enjoy my day's.

I also miss my children every day.  Whether or not they speak to me makes no difference from the beginning when Matilda went away in 2005.  That is such a long time ago for a daughter to not talk to her mother.  What did I do?  Why does she see me this way?  These are the questions that I ask the universe to provide the answers to.  The universe knows.

Jesse isn't talking to me for a different reason and there is no connection with the two situations.  For me however there is a mighty connection.  I cannot talk to my children and this always pains my heart greatly.  Montana said she cannot understand it and she is so hurt also for us all.

Universe please shed light into the darkness because where there is light then darkness flees immediately.  I want light shed onto all of these situations and I want vindication from all of these major misunderstandings that have occurred some because of other people  that is well evident.   Mary Peters

Image by Mezza - A droplet of water with Brice's image in the water.

When I am silent, I fall into the place where everything is music.

~ Rumi ~

A chopper gets about like a Dragon did

With one voice every ancient culture insisted that our world was once a much. different place.  This is a fact that I cannot deny.  I became more interested in Dragon's when my son Jesse David William Baldwin was born under the sign of the Dragon in 1988.

This isn't anything unusual for me to do.  However, I was not ever really satisfied with what I had found.  I decided to trust my instincts then once again and go to a quiet place and try to see what it may have been like.  What I saw was this, I saw that dragons were very possible and that in ancestral times things were not of the scale we see today on the planet.   The place was inhabited with a certain amount of people who were giant in size.  These people are said to be the Nephilim.  https://www.google.com.au/search?q=nephilim+skeletons&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=fEc&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&prmd=imvnsfd&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=ldjXT6KgHOeviQel0PGHAw&ved=0CHEQsAQ&biw=1275&bih=652

If you clicked that link you will see the many skeletal remains that have been found which is evidence of this giant race of people.  The statues in Egypt that depict huge men.  I think they are actually life size statues.  I think people were that large and they were the offspring of the Elohim.  In Genesis it talks of this as well. 

The Dragon

Perhaps there is no better example of an unexplained mythical thing  than that of the dragon or serpent. This remarkable creature with origins in the prehistoric times has no counterpart in the biological world and yet it was remembered on every habitable continent and persisted across millennia into modern times.  Nothing in nature today will explain the dragons long flowing hair, fiery breath, beard,  it's twin whiskers, its wings or effusive feathers or its global occurrence as twins or its global association with light. 1000's of years after its prehistoric birth the monster still continues to linger in human fantasy, it will not go away!

But ask yourself this simple question;. How did the dragon archetype arise with out provocation and should we not wonder if uniquely  modern prejudices are the primary reason the mystery remains unsolved?


Image by Mezza - The rear end of the police chopper