Happy Birthday Jesse.. Congratulations on your Graduation Montana

All on the same day... It certainly was a big day for all of us.  I was emotional but I tried to hide it the best I could but I know that is just a hopeless task as I shed tears so freely because of those high emotions and the fact that I am in touch with my heart energy and sometimes it fairly zings inside of me and tears just well in response to this.

Montana sitting behind her principal Mr Goudella.

Montana looking really shocked getting her congratulations from Bob Stockton (retired Principal)

 Montana's Principal changed this year.  Mr Stockton retired.  He had been principal for so many years that I have lost count, however  and Mr Bob Stockton was on hand to do awards although he is retired.

This was on Jesses Crib in the Wesley Hospital Brisbane when he was born in 1988

I didn't contact Jesse for his birthday, more to the exact truth I could't as I have no contact phone number or address to even send him a birthday card.  He not only de-friended me on facebook but he also blocked me.

So it was not a good thing to happen right before his birthday.  But that was the result of my emotive outburst to that foolish Rodgers fellah!

Still and all I wish Jesse all the best for his birthday and for the coming year of his life as he is now 25 years old and no longer a young lad.  He is now a man.  I have never seen him as a man, 

I wonder when he is going to start acting like a man and give some respect and some credit to his mother who is not any of the things he has been led down the garden path to believe. 

How ever there is no mistakes and so this is a learning lesson for all of us and that includes him as well.  I must continue to sit with this and let the universe take its course.

Jesse on his first day at school. 
Jesse's Birthday that year was fun! It was a great party!  he turned Five.

Images @ Eminpee Fotography

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Mental Illness . . Lables!

Masks.

Nut-case, mental case, mad, loopy, off the planet, away with the faeries, these are all names used on the street to describe people with mental health issues and to mask the seriousness of what is going on much deeper within society.

The DSM-IV  has many listings of things that come under this umbrella of mental illness as they see it.   So many that your neighbour and and many of your own family will be someone suffering with a mental illness.  Many of these people will never show any outward signs or symptoms of this.

Depression is on the rise and bi-polar and other anxiety disorders are experienced by so many people that these are considered to be relatively run of the mill.

The difference lies in how all this is treated in the community.  Community now relies on Government intervention to take care of these people and to medicate them with serious drugs.  
These drugs effect and put an end to their emotional life forever.  This happens with a permanent change taking place in the brain by these powerful chemicals in various medications used to treat such illnesses these days.  I see this as very dangerous indeed.  Are all of these people really suffering with such things that need this treatment to numb their emotions completely. 

If you are like me,  which there are not many who are,  you will understand that EMOTION is what is holding this planet together.  Our thoughts are generating a power that has wavelengths that stretch the entire planet and out into the universe.  If half the planet's people goes numb because of this overuse of medication, this will have an effect on the planet. 

It is evident this has occurred in the past. Take for instance when Lady Diana was killed in her accident,  the entire world cried and tests proved the planets resonance was changed temporarily by this occurrence of mass sadness and show of emotion across the planet simultaneously.
http://globalresonance.net/passage.cfm?psg=100102&pf=1

So, in saying this, those that cry too much and those that think too much are a very necessary part of the planets vibration and this has to stop with the labels.  The labels are what decreases the persons vibration immediately. Then, so called helping individuals in the hospital system load a synthetic chemical concoction into the brain and nerve centre of your body.  How is this helpful? 

This type of treatment is nothing more than you being uploaded into a program of becoming a cash cow for Big Pharma.  These guys are at the top of the stakes in the money arena, rich beyond compare in monetary terms on your personality.
 http://www.topsecretwriters.com/2013/02/are-pharmaceutical-companies-making-addictive-drugs-intentionally/

Signed sealed and delivered, labelled as a mental patient, you become another one of their drones.  You are now under their control forever.  I say forever because you will never ever be the same once these chemicals change your brains chemistry.  You are a resonant human being and this medication on board it has the action of numbing you and it solidifies your connection to the planet through calcifying your pineal gland.  

The one thing people could do for depression illnesses is get much more light into their eyes. Natural light in the early mornings has a marked effect on emotion.  Sunglasses are worn for health and for fashion, this alters the light beams entering the eye.  When this is altered, the chemicals that are generated are altered in their amounts, causing a marked effect on your emotions.  Sleep disorders come from a lifestyle where the light in your life becomes so unbalanced it effects  your brain chemistry once again.   Pills do not have to be used for this.  Light is your best friend, learn about Light.

Images @ Melonpopzdropz Flickr

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Greiving from Rejection

Yes you can grieve from this and this is the range of emotions you may feel as a result.

Dawn on the first day of February 2013  in Urunga NSW

"Relationship between two persons should be like the relationship between the hand and the eye. If the hand gets hurt, the eye cries, and if the eye cries the hand wipes its tear."

Grief is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong way to react.When you lose the love of your children, you may have a range of feelings from numbness, to feeling separate from the situation, to anger and distress.

It can be very hard to clear your head to think about anything else. You are likely to feel in a daze. You may feel that you are going through a roller coaster of emotions.

These feelings are common as part of the grief process. Grief is a very natural response to the loss of people very important to us. There is no wrong or right way to feel when your children reject you. Everyone is different.

Most people will go through a range of emotions. There are several stages that people may go through. There are no hard and fast rules to this, of course. You will go through your own grief in your own way. But it can be reassuring to know that others may feel similar things. You may go through some or all of the stages. They do not necessarily happen in the order they are written here. The main thing to remember is there is no right way to grieve.

 Denial and shock

At first, some people may find it very hard to accept or understand the loss and rejection. Some feel so shocked that they can't accept that the person has gone away, and even deny it is true. This feeling usually passes, as they start to talk to other people about the loss. Some people dream that the person they love is still around . Or they may walk into a room and think they've seen them. Some people find this disturbing. It seems to happen because of the desire to want to see the person again and memories are triggered.

Anger

The most common question people ask during this stage is why? You may think it unfair that someone close to you has stopped loving you. This can make you feel very angry with everything and everyone. It’s not unusual to feel angry with the person who has left you behind, for leaving you. Again, this stage will pass, so don’t think that you will always feel like this.

Bargaining

When someone close to you stops loving you,  you may have thoughts such as 'If I give up this part of my life that I enjoy so much, or become a better person, I could bring back the person who left. This is called bargaining. Although it is unrealistic, it is a very natural part of grieving.

Guilt

You may find yourself feeling guilty for not doing certain things with your kids before they stopped loving you. Or remembering all the times you felt you did or said the wrong thing to them. Don’t feel bad about these things. Everyone has times where they upset someone and it is a natural part of life. So it is OK to let those feelings go.

Depression

Many people may feel very sad for some time after their children reject them. Depression is not sadness. It is a much more intense feeling. It is more debilitating and you may feel that you can’t be bothered with everyday things such as eating, sleeping, hygiene, social activities and work. You may feel that there is nothing worth living for, now someone who you loved doesn't love you anymore.
It is natural to feel depressed for some time after the loss of a son so close to you. But if these feelings continue for several months, you may need help. You may have changes in your mood and feel isolated. Other common symptoms of depression are

• Loss of interest in seeing friends and family
• Difficulty getting to sleep
• Waking in the early hours of the morning
• Poor appetite
• Lack of enthusiasm
• Difficulty concentrating, making decisions and remembering things.

Loneliness

During this stage people can feel very lonely and frightened. You miss having the kids near to talk to and share your life with. It can be very hard but trying to share more of your emotions with others close to you will help lessen these feelings.

Acceptance

This stage does not always mean you will feel happy again. But it does mean you will begin to accept that you need to try to cope with the rejection and loss of your children. Most people who have lost their kids say that they never fully get over it. They just find a way to cope with it. And they can enjoy things in their life again and feel that life is worth living. Hearing this his can sometimes be a relief to people who are going through the stormier stages of grief.

Hope

Everyone reaches this point at different times. But you will eventually be able to think about  your son and daughter and it won’t be as painful. You will start to feel like planning ahead and looking forward to more good times. This doesn’t mean in any way that you have less feeling for the kids. So try not to feel guilty about wanting to eventually get on with your life. You will always remember and love them for what small part you did  share together. And  you can hope they don’t want your life to come to a standstill or for you to feel sad.

How long grief lasts

How long people grieve for is a very individual thing. It may be months or even years. But it won’t always be so intense. Don’t worry if you still feel very strong emotions months after the  rejection of your children. The first Christmas and birthdays of your daughter and then your son  after their departure are usually very upsetting.

Give yourself time to heal. The most important part of healing is to acknowledge that you are grieving. Two things that help the most with grief are time and support. You can't force yourself to feel better. It is important that you grieve for your children and allow yourself to feel the way you do. Here are some suggestions that may help

• Don’t try to fight your feelings - allow time for your thoughts and feelings, both positive and negative
• Talk to someone you trust about why your children left and how you are feeling
• Don’t be afraid to cry a lot - crying is an important part of grief and will give you a release
• Remember to take care of yourself - eat well, get plenty of rest and some exercise
• Some people find it helps to write down how they are feeling or about their lost children.
• Some people find it helps to go to a support group and talk to others who have also lost their children
• Be patient with yourself, it will take time and some days will be easier than others

If at any time you feel everything is just too much see your GP. They may suggest you get some grief counselling. Or you may find it useful to contact an organisation that offers support and advice to people in this situation.

Dawn is a very symbolic time of a new beginning.  I greet the dawn with new hope everyday that my grief will pass on and that during this time I will learn more and more about me.  For this opportunity I am very grateful.  Not everyone gets such an opening for self examination and reflection.  The Universe provides everything in perfect timing and in this I must trust.   Namaste . .
Images @ Melonpopzdropz Flickr

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First release all past thought patterns and repressed emotions from our cellular memory.

 We need to do this to change our old restricted thought patterns, so that we can manifest our goals and desires faster.  Mihael Simic
 

 

 Clearing the negative energy blockages from my system helps me to fully open up to receive new vibrant energy which replenishes and heals my physical, mental and emotional system from all past victimization's, guilt and anger.  There are only two emotions available and that is Fear and Love. 

Everything comes from those two alone.  Because of the inflictions by others I have lived primarily in a place of fear to protect my self.  I have been over hyper vigilant and there is time now for this to cease.  It is time to let go and let this all take place just as it should.  Spirit will find spirit and I must rest easy in  the knowledge of this simplicity of nature.

Montana's visit was pretty good really but it is clear to see that I am still caught up in some old fear patterns.  It was good to be able to talk to John though and communicate like he was a human being again.  He is the father of my children and really that is all that concerns me.  I am always feeling a level of concern.  This is what has to change. It is all in perfect timing and its all what needs to be.  Just let love be love and spirit be spirit.

PS Happiness is the name I called Jesse when he was inside of my belly,  I didn't know if he was a boy or a girl and so his name was just happiness.  He was referred to as this from almost the beginning.

Images @ Melonpopzdropz Flickr