Dealing with Difficult People

Quantum Jumping
At one time or another we all have to deal with difficult people.

The epitome of difficult -- dealing with my ex husband John B.

The Whiner.  The Victim.  The Steam Roller.  The Know-it-All.  The Cry Baby.  And let’s not forget Sarcastic Sam.

Some difficult people become Masters specializing in just one technique – others do their damage by mixing it up.  No matter what the “technique”, most difficult people have the same goal:  they crave power and control over people and situations.

Additionally, not all difficult people you may have to deal with are difficult all the time.  For that matter, if you’re honest, it is most likely that, with very little thought, you can conjure up a time or two when you were a little difficult to deal with yourself.

No matter whether confronting an “always” difficult Know-it-All boss, or an occasionally Sarcastic Sam (or Samantha) Spouse – you are not defenseless.  The following are a few suggestions for dealing with both full and part-time difficult people.

Don’t Take it Personally

Ironically, one of the most useful techniques is not to become defensive when defending ourselves from the damage difficult people attempt to dish out to us.  Difficult people feed on the energy of our defensiveness.  The more angry or upset we become, the more in control the difficult person feels.

We become defensive when we take things personally.  When we take everything a difficult person is capable of dealing out personally we become frustrated and tend to express our defensiveness via our own negative responses such as anger or perhaps guilt.

The next time you are dealing with a difficult person focus not on how to defend yourself – instead focus on remaining calm.  Remaining calm is a signal to the difficult person that you are not relinquishing control.  It may take quite a few “sessions” – but if this technique is used consistently and repeatedly, the difficult person comes to understand that you are your own person with your own power and do not make it a practice of relinquishing control to others.

Victim (1961 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Walk a Mile in Their Moccasins

No matter how difficult a person may be, taking a moment to muster a little empathy is huge when it comes to creating positive outcomes when dealing with difficult people.  Don’t be stingy when it comes to making an effort to empathize with a difficult person.

Getting the needs met is important for curing being "DIFFICULT"

Most difficult people are difficult because they have needs that are either not being met or they think aren’t being met.  A sarcastic co-worker who mocks your work may suffer from extreme insecurity.  While you certainly can’t expect difficult people to share their true motivation for being difficult, quite often an empathetic response can help to soften their demeanor towards you.

Take Care of Yourself

Not taking it personally and showing empathy when dealing with difficult people can be very useful.  However, perhaps the most useful technique when dealing with difficult people is creative visualization.  And, while creative visualization may be the last technique mentioned here, it is actually the first technique to employ before attempting not taking a difficult person personally and instead attempt to show them some empathy.

Learning to live with negativity is never easy -- needs unmet.

Difficult people are negative people – and it is important to protect yourself from the negative energy difficult people throw at you.  You not only have a responsibility to attempt to come to a positive resolution with a difficult person, your first responsibility is to respect yourself and protect yourself from their negative energy.  Creative visualization can be a very effective means to do just that.

For instance, the next time you have to deal with your Know-it-All boss visualize yourself placing a bullet (and negativity) proof wall between you.  Starting your day by visualizing yourself surrounded by a protective bubble or aura is also very powerful.  Or perhaps you visualize yourself as King or Queen and are protected by a moat surrounding the thick walls of your castle.

Me and Gary

The very practice of visualizing you are protected from difficult people creates the positive energy necessary to deal with difficult people effectively.

Images @ Eminpee Fotography