This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign
Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. The Government tried
desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal
person who read it couldn’t stop laughing !
Dear Mr Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows
that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back
in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was
born and on what date ?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.
It is also on my driver's license, on the last eight passports I've
ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill
out before being allowed off planes
over the past 30 years.
It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my
mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely
bloody astounded if that ever
changed between now and when I drop dead !!!
SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!
What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I
can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New
Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a
Kiwi girl).
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit
whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the
unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a
horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of
Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to
part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same
spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?
Nooooo…that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like
chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some
'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn
photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to
smile?...you bloody morons.
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone
in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me?
Well, my family
has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my
forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka
Stockade!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army
for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have
high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of
the RSL...Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to
verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND
RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or
hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"..
You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!
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